I Wish

I’ll start by saying how angry I am with you. I really wish that you had taken better care of you. I wish that you had not let your health greatly decline. I would do anything to hold, again, your warm hand in mine. Why the fuck did you have to leave me and your family behind?

I wish I could unsee that time that you were a complete bitch to me. You knew who I was and that I would forever hold a grudge. I wish that I’d had a few years more to resent you. I wish that I had more time to have been ungrateful for you. I wish I didn’t inherit your obstinate nature, but at the same time, I’m glad that you made me the woman who I am.

I wish I could go back in time and observe you when you were young and thin. I wish I could’ve seen all of your confidence, the woman who knew that she carried the world in her hand. I wish I could’ve seen the woman who knew her shit did not stink and knew that any man would’ve fallen to his knees at her feet.

I wish I could relive when I was a kid and you had instilled in me wonderful things. I wish I could relive when you taught me never to fear. I wish I could once again see the woman who would’ve stood up to fight if someone fucked with her kids.

Most of all I wish that I could unsee the sight of you lying still, your last breath recently stolen from you. I wish I could unsee you with all of those tubes that had failed at doing their job of bringing life back to you. I wish I couldn’t still feel your hand cold and stiff.

I really wish it didn’t happen so fast. I wish I’d had the chance for you to hear me cheering you on to stay alive. I would have begged you with all of my heart to stay with us here on this earth. I would’ve told you how very much I loved you before you floated away.

I want you to know that I still have in me the many things that you have passed onto me. I am the fearless woman who stands strong and tall. I am the woman who, if provoked, will be ready to fight. I’m also the compassionate woman who will come to anyone’s aide. I’m the kind woman who will feed those in need. I’m the loving woman who will give all of her love to just one man. I’m also the free spirited woman that loves the feeling of her toes in the sand. I am the woman who you molded me to be. I am extremely proud to say that you were my mom.

In time we will learn to go on without you. You may be gone but you will never be forgotten. Your memory will live on by all those that you have touched. You were an amazing woman that will be loved and missed very much. It is my wish that you be forever delivered from pain and that your soul may rest in eternal peace. Until the day that we again meet, you will continue to have a very special place implanted deeply within my heart.

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